NERDING OUT ABOUT DERBY RULES

Posted: February 15, 2012 in Roller Derby, Thoughts

The general idea...

YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE IT.

After a WTF moment with a jam at practice last night, I have come to the following conclusions:

First whistle of the jam starts. White team tries to force a No Pack situation by having three blockers drop to a knee and one sprint out. Three blockers from the black team stay put at the jammer line, while one chases the white blocker going out of play, splitting the blockers into group A and group B.

In the diagram, group A is the pack according to 4.1.1, because they have the largest group of in-play skaters from BOTH TEAMS. All other things constant, the jammer whistle should ONLY BLOW when group A passes the pivot line.

  • If group B just chills, and group A doesn’t pass the pivot line, jammers never get released.
  • If a white player from B stands, group B becomes the pack. Jammers still aren’t released.
  • If Group A passes the pivot line, jammers go.
  • If either player in A falls or is taken out, It’s a no pack situation, jammers go.

This is something pack refs have to think about, with taking a knee to start the jammers becoming a regular thing, even at the levels of play that I ref at. If it happened at practice, it’s going to happen at a game.

But of course at practice last night, there really wasn’t anything I could do, since I was a jammer ref. For both the jammers. Blurg.

 

 

Blogging from my phone

Posted: February 3, 2012 in Uncategorized

Laptop may have completely lost it this time.

Rest in Peace (most likely) Fred.

Will be taking advantage of the frshly updated WordPress app on my phone.

so, I have an arch-enemy…

Posted: January 25, 2012 in Roller Derby

I have a nemesis… an opponent, who is not worthy of my anger and my frustration, but every time she opens her mouth I can’t help it, I fly into this nearly uncontrollable rage. Raaaaaage...

She tries to get her opinion in when she doesn’t know anything about the subject being discussed…

It doesn’t matter that she knows jack shit about skating, and the rules, and NSOing, but she wants you to know her opinion about all of these things! Because she knows! She knows how these things are supposed to go! And no matter what, that’s the truth, reality doesn’t matter…

Sometimes, a gif expresses all the emotions.

So angry. She makes me so irrationally upset. I shouldn’t let her, but those are just words when I run up against the Great Wall of her stupidity. No amount of negotiation or solid reason can dent that rock solid ego, the delusional self-esteem that bubbles up from somewhere I don’t know where. God, she drives me insane.

But, rumors, rumors…

Somebody said that she wants to be a WFTDA* certified ref…

Listen, I have been reffing roller derby for two years. (Two years? Fuck yeah, two years. I’m gonna be 23 this year! September is my 3rd derby anniversary!) Two years, and this year is the first year that I’ve even thought to try for WFTDA certification. It’s hard. It’s a lot of work. It’s a lot of money, especially if, like Nemesis and I, you’re not conveniently located within an hour of a WFTDA league, and have to hoof  it on your own dime for sanctioned bouts.** The fact that something like certification is something that you think is easy means that you don’t understand exactly what goes into it.

 

Dear Nemesis,

You are a bitch. And I do not like you. I don’t care if I hurt your feelings. I don’t care what you think about me. You suck.

You talk to much. You’re too busy talking that you don’t do anything, and at the end of the day it is what you do with your derby time that matters, and until you ref more games than I have, done more NSOing than I have, know more derby than I do, THEN you’ll be able to talk to me about derby. Then I might listen to what you have to say.

but at the end of the day, you’re looking at someone who has a year’s experience on you.

Lemonhead

 

*Women’s Flat Track Derby Association

** Bout: What a game of Roller Derby is referred to as.

WHAT THE HELL, RON PAUL?

Posted: January 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

Who’s bright idea was it to put a 14 minute long ad in front of every goddam YouTube video? Nobody’s watching that!

How much did that cost and what else could you have done with that money?

GIF OF DA WEEK

Posted: January 16, 2012 in GIF OF DA WEEK

This is totally what has been going on in my house lately. My kitten (Ford, but in her mind she is Her Majesty, the Ninja Fuckin’ Princess) has been getting a lot of shit from Ike, my younger male. Probably a little jealousy, because he’s 1) not the spoiled baby cat any longer, 2) he will be damned if another black cat gets more attention than he does, and 3) my brother moved out, so Ike’s favorite person is not around nearly as much as Ike would like.

And Ford is just absolutely afraid of him. She’ll be sleeping very soundly in a box on the floor, and Ike will be walking by then KAPOW! One big open-paw slap across the head sends her sprinting for the bathtub (The safest place in the house, Ike will never voluntarily go anywhere near that tub. And even involuntarily, he’s got to be PRETTY FUCKING SEDATED.) and then he swaggers off, like a boss.

So, yeah, the gif hit a bit of a chord. BLOG AND LIFE COLLIDE!

I had no idea that Lenny Briscoe Jerry Orbach (RIP) was Lumiere in Beauty in the Beast.

Fuck. Now I might actually go see the rerelease… Fuck!

I have been youtubing the shit out of this since I discovered it was a thing..

Dear Dude at the Bar,

Thank you for at least taking the time to notice what I was doing before you came up to interrupt my lunch. Yes, I’m reading! And Yes, I’m reading Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

But your comment really rubbed me the wrong way.

“So, you’re one of those people who reads the book after the movie comes out, huh?”

Let me break this down for you… All of the reasons that this is not the best thing to say to, well, anyone.

One, no, I’m not one of those people that reads the book after the movie comes out. I’m one of those people who reads books to pieces and has to occasionally buy new copies. And Tinker, Tailor is one of my favorite books of all time, since my grandfather gave me my first copy.

Two, the tone that you used to say this to me… I can’t tell if you were showing off your superior knowledge of Cold War spy novels, movies, or if you were just trying (unsuccessfully) to neg me. But really, talking like that to people only makes you look like an asshole. Which brings me to…

Three: I would’ve loved to talk about John le Carre, George Smiley, Jim Prideaux and all the rest… but you were giving off real asshole vibes. If you catch me and would like to try again, go ahead. I’ll give you a little hint:

“John le Carre, huh? That’s an awesome book. I really liked it. Have you seen the movie yet?”

Sincerely,

Lindsay

There is nothing that I do that I have less justification for doing than watching the completely awful, terrible, no-good TV show Bridezillas.

It is the complete worst of the marriage industrial complex on display, with frantic marriage-obsessed women acting like complete narcissists. If you were to learn everything about getting married from this show, you would spend your days drinking, forcing your bridesmaids and family to pay for everything, and then do everything, and then take the blame when the smallest thing goes wrong. Screaming, tearful breakdowns when the limo company refuses to take any of your crap and offers you a refund, because you don’t get the custom limo you ‘paid for.’ Your fiance gets viciously berated for trying to do something to save money, even if you’re already in for more then three times the budget you’ve agreed on at the very beginning. Woe be unto the tailor that has do do the dress alterations…

It’s really just awful.

First of all, if I ever get around to marrying somebody, I would want to love that person so much that any sort of commitment ceremony I participate in would be between the two of us. The thing is, the women on profiled on Bridezillas are under the impression that only one person is getting married, the bride. The groom is nothing but a prop. It  removes all sense of marriage as  a bringing together of two people who want to share their lives with each other.

It makes me uncomfortable to watch people spend so much money on a single day. How can you be looking forward to the rest of your life when you are putting you and your SO into tens of thousands of dollars worth of debt? When you are lying about money, and drinking, and strippers While you are being recorded! So you can be on TV! WHERE EVERYONE IS GOING TO SEE THAT YOU WERE A LIAR! You think that juicy little detail about you going over to participate in a threesome with the tattoo artist that branded your fiance with a PROPERTY OF tat and bringing the camera crew that’s recording your every move days before your wedding is NOT going to make it onto television? What? Seriously.

It really paints this picture of female insanity. ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS GET MARRIED.

EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OKAY IF YOU HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE.

IF YOU’RE PRETTY, YOU AIN’T GOT NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

IF YOU GOT MONEY, THEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO CARE.

IF YOU GOT A GUY, THEN YOU ARE A TOTALLY COMPLETE WOMAN.

THEN… LIFE WILL BE AWESOME.

SO. WORK ON SELF-ACTUALIZING GETTING MARRIED.

It boggles my mind.

Why do I watch it? Oh, god, why?

I think at the core of it… It makes me feel better about myself.

I am not one of those people who is an obvious bitch to people. I am not in the best position in the world. I have an okay job, but it pays shit. But…

I am not these people.

I appreciate what I have in my life. My job is very school and hobby friendly. I get along with people.

That’s why, almost every Wedding Sunday! on WEtv I’ll turn it on. No matter what happens in my life, I at least have my priorities in the right place

List of the Weirdest Texts I’ve sent this week:

  • You working tomorrow? You should come hang. out with meeeee at the skating rink!
  • Your IT guys suck for blocking pajiba
  • I want to steal their neon.
  • Is this K***? What the fuck! You don’t want me to DD, I’m not good.
  • Lol, I”m officially converted to four-on-the-floor. I would probably die in a fiery explosion if I tried skating in a pair of inlines.
  • I will go Michael Bay all over your face. Don’t push it.
  • YOU MAKE MUFFINS. I MAKE PRINTS. ALL YOUR BAKED GOODS BELONG TO MY FACE.
  • My knees look like the surface of the moon, thanks for asking.
  • What? AOL is still a thing? Next thing you’ll say is that Hanson is back on tour… [Later…] WHAT THE FUCK? Holy shit, Furbee, tell me everything is going to be okay!
  • Dude, judging by the trailer… I want to rub it all over my body.
  • Sushi, mofo! Kiss my ass!