Archive for the ‘Letters to Strangers’ Category

Dear Dude-Bro Trying to Defend Bud Light With Lime,

First of all, do you know where you are right now? This bar that you’re standing in, do you know what it’s called? It’s called World of Beer. Those forty taps over there, those five industrial coolers, They’re not for fucking around. If you would like to get a Bud Light, 2% ABV, brewed with a hint of lime because it’s the only thing that makes it palatable, there’s a Chilis over that-a-way. Leave the real beer to the real beer drinkers.

This? in this glass right here? This is a barleywine and yes, stupid, it is actually a beer. All sweet, fruity, hoppy, 10.5% ABV of it. It’s got a complex flavor, with hints of apple, berries, and a hoppy balance that isn’t too bitter, it’s perfect. Perfect.

No, you can’t see through it. Because it’s a real beer.

Just because you don’t understand the complex tastes and feels and smells, doesn’t mean that you need to dismiss them. I mean, I know you’ve probably never had a real beer in your life, and it is a bit of an acquired taste. The bitterness and sharp bite of a double IPA. The rich, thick head and earthy taste of a heavy stout. The light sunshiney taste of a golden Belgian wheat. These things are out of your experience.

But don’t try and convert me, son. Because I have known joys your sad, atrophied little tastebuds can only imagine.You know nothing, Nothing! About beer.


Lindsay “Beerfreak” Smith